


Regardless...

by howlette94



Category: GOT7, JJ Project
Genre: 2015 fic from aff, M/M, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2019-12-26
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:01:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21971758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/howlette94/pseuds/howlette94
Summary: My Jaebum Hyung,I wish I could explain to you better why I’m leaving. Just trust in me that this is for the best.Jinyoung
Relationships: Im Jaebum | JB/Park Jinyoung
Comments: 2
Kudos: 71





	Regardless...

Im Jaebum and Park Jinyoung grew up together in the same neighbourhood in Busan. They went to the same high school, joined the same band and fell in love. They went to the same music school in Seoul, graduated and made a name for themselves. Or at least Jaebum did. Jaebum became one of the most well-known youngest composers in Korea and is now known as JB though he started with the screen name Defsoul. He made songs for the most popular artists. And Jinyoung, he stayed by JB’s side and became one of JB’s indispensable lyricist.

It has almost been a decade that they are together. They are now 22. They live in the same apartment. Separate rooms though. They made a promise to marry each other and build a family when they reach 27 or when JB decides he is ready to settle.

JB is artistically-gifted, hardworking and so in love with Jinyoung. All his songs says it all. Jinyoung is like the air that he breathes, the ground that keeps him from falling; figuratively speaking, the person he can’t live without. In some stressful days when he gets really angry and experiences panic attacks, only Jinyoung can get him to calm himself. In days when he is so out of the weather for working his butt out, Jinyoung takes care of him. And just like any other day, Jinyoung gives him strength and keeps him going.

Jinyoung is passionate, poetic and loves Jaebum with all his heart. His lyrics says it all. JB gives him purpose and direction, like the Polaris star in the dark night sky. He exists for JB and, he will be by his side whenever he needs him. However, in his mind, JB always deserves better. JB deserves someone better than him. Someone who can perhaps help him gain even more fame and fortune or, perhaps someone who can properly give him a family. Someone JB’s parents always wanted for him, with the likes of superstar singer-actress Bae Suzy who is by the way a good friend of theirs. He can do everything and anything for the other’s behalf, even if it means letting him go.

JB’s company begins work at around 9am. It was 9:45am when Jinyoung already finished a new set of lyrics for the new boy group Seventeen when…

“Jinyoung, please tell me I am not wrong to file a case against Ravi and his company. They basically plagiarised one of our songs, thinking we wouldn’t notice since it was a less popular song of Suzy’s.” JB charges into Jinyoung’s office with rage and defeat in his voice.

Jinyoung drops his pen and notepad, pulls his boyfriend to sit on the couch and says, “By the tone of your voice, looks like you’ve already figured we’ll lose the case?”

“He just gets on my nerves. He even sends me a pair of lawyers and some fake evidence. Also, he threatens to counter every song I send out in the market. He says if Twice comes out with a new song, he’ll hand over a song to Red Velvet for free just to get back at me.” He looks at Jinyoung likes he’s going to cry. JB hates losing the most.

Jinyoung gives him a warm hug, drawing random circles on his back. “We can always get Leo on our side. I can talk to him. Make Ravi’s team lose one of their best composers.”

“That’s tempting.” JB chuckles a little. He pulls away from the hug to look at Jinyoung properly, “But I don’t want that, I know we’ll easily get Leo, but it’s because he’s charmed by you. I know he means no harm, since he is a nice guy, but still I won’t risk it.”

Jinyoung smiles at this. “So you are admitting that you’re jealous?” he teases.

“I have the right to be jealous. You are so gorgeous if you haven’t noticed yet.” JB finally cheers up.

Jinyoung unexpectedly lets out a deep sigh of relief. “You don’t know how scared I was you’d get another panic attack just now.”

JB smiles wider, “That’s why I came in here to see your face. I thought I was gonna have one too, but thank God—-

Jinyoung cuts JB off with a 3-second kiss. “I love you hyung, stop making me worry.”

JB smirks before he kisses him back more passionately. “You know that I love you more.”

Lunch in JB’s office was unexpected with JB’s mother coming over. Not surprisingly, she brought her favorite daughter-in-law-to-be, Suzy.

“I’m so sorry, Jinyoung. She told me she wanted me to go shop for lanterns with her in Chinatown, but she tricked me into stopping by here first. I really am sorry.” Suzy immediately goes to Jinyoung’s side.

Jinyoung smiles sincerely, “No harm done. Want some white chicken and egg rolls?”

“Thanks, Jinyoung.” Suzy takes a bite of what Jinyoung offered in his lunch box.

“These dishes look expensive, where'd you ordered them, son?” JB’s mom exclaimed.

“Jinyoung made them.” JB says proudly.

“Oh. Well, have you tried Suzy’s seaweed soup? They are the best.”

“I’m sure I did, mom. When you force Suzy to send me her dish every year on my birthday, I will surely remember the taste.” JB says sarcastically.

“If you’ll excuse us, mom. We are still having our lunch. I would have asked you to join us, but I wouldn’t, since the last time you knew you were eating my Jinyoung’s dish, you kept on complaining nonsense.”

“Jaebum hyung, don’t say that.” Jinyoung holds JB’s hand. “I’m sorry, auntie. You know how your son’s temper is. Maybe I should leave you guys—”

“Jinyoung, you are staying here.” JB holds onto Jinyoung’s hand firmly. “Mom, please leave. I’ll visit you some other time.”

“Hyung!” Jinyoung never wants JB to lose his family over him.

Out of shock, JB’s mom becomes speechless. It’s one of the few times his son has embarrassed him in front of people. The first time was when JB brought home Jinyoung to their house full of guests, introducing him as his boyfriend. The second time was when JB deliberately kissed Jinyoung in front of his father just to prove a point that he’s unwilling to be set-up for dates. And now…

“Auntie, we should go.” Suzy urges JB’s mom.

“I know you are a good boy, Jinyoung, but you can’t be with my son. You can’t give him a family which he deserves. You know he’s not going to marry you.”

“Mom, please stop! We are only 22! I’ll marry him tonight if that will shut you up!”

“You wouldn’t!” JB’s mom is now outraged.

Jinyoung rests his head on JB’s chest as they sit on one of the couches on JB’s office. “You were only kidding, right? Marrying me tonight? Besides, you still have a plane to catch.”

JB’s grip on Jinyoung’s waste tighten. “We are basically married already, Jinyoung. I hope you understand that by now. Besides, I want to make a grand proposal, ‘cause it’s the least I can do. I won’t let my mom or my dad ruin that.”

“I’ll miss you, hyung.” Jinyoung snuggles closer.

“I miss you already. And ah— I’ve asked Jackson to keep you company while I’m not around.”

“Hyung, I’m an adult. Stop asking your baby brother to care for me when he’s got a life. Jackson’s a busy lad. Look at how he’s getting a lot offers from all cable networks. He’s probably going to be the next nation’s MC.”

“Besides I can’t get on his bad side with me bugging him despite his busy schedule; he’s the only one in your family that actually likes me.” Jinyoung laughs at his own joke.

JB sits up and holds Jinyoung’s shoulders, “I know you are having a hard time, you don’t have to hide it.”

Jinyoung gives him a huge grin, “I’m fine, I am. And yes, I’ll call Jackson when I’m bored.”

JB pulls Jinyoung into his arms, “Trust me, I’m fine with just you and me. We don’t need to have kids. Also, we can always adopt if you want.”

“Okay.” Jinyoung knows that JB always wanted a child but he will never express this directly because of their situation.

“Well, who knows maybe one of us can carry a child. It’s not entirely impossible. Statistics say 15% or now close to 20% of the male population can now reproduce.” JB quirks up.

“You, getting pregnant for our family?” Jinyoung’s raises an eyebrow.

“Babe, I will do anything to make you happy.”

Jinyoung knows JB is only trying to lighten up the situation so he goes along and nods vigorously. He then sends his beloved off the airport happily.

Jinyoung visits the hospital often without JB knowing, he badly wants to know the possibility of him having a child. And today was not a good day. The doctor told him, he has very low chances of producing a baby.

Little did he know a chipmunk followed him around the whole time he was in the hospital.

“Jinyoung, my bestfriend! What’s with the gloomy face? Wait! Don’t tell me you are sick?! Does my big brother know?!”

Jinyoung was so startled he dropped the papers he was holding. “Yah, Jackson! How did you know I was here?!”

“As your best friend, also future brother-in-law, I’m on guard duties. Wait, what’s this?” Jackson picks up the medical records before Jinyoung can stop him.

“Jackson, please hand them over.”

“Wait, Jinyoung, what does this mean? Negative? You were testing for the gene XY? Why? You want to have a baby?”

“Yes. And please don’t tell hyung. This isn’t serious. I’m just try—-

“This isn’t your first time. This is your sixth month continuously taking meds to get you fertile. It says it all in this file. Wait, are you and my hyung even doing it? This is usually—-

“Give it back!” Jinyoung steals the papers back. “This is none of your business.”

Jackson sighs, “You know very well that my brother loves you just the way you are. Besides, you guys are virgins, how can you even get pregnant.”

“I just wanted to increase the chances before anything happens. Jackson, please leave this alone.”

“Alright, alright.” Jackson has always been sympathetic towards his best friend. He knows how much Jinyoung worries about giving his brother a family ever since he saw him with their nephews and nieces last Christmas. “How about we go clubbing to get your mind of things?”

The club they went to is for VIPs who can afford to get wasted during daylight.

Jackson was persistent in making Jinyoung dance with him. They were having a pretty good time when Jackson’s manager asked him to leave for a cooking program he hosts.

“I’m really sorry Jinyoung, the producers called and, they have to start the schedule early ‘cause we invited G-Dragon and, he’s only free today.”

“It’s okay. Maybe I’ll stay here for a while, drink a little before going back to the office.”

The truth is that Jinyoung wanted to sulk all day, imagining how JB would be leaving him when he finally realizes he’s already tired of him. That’s Jinyoung, always being hard on himself.

Jinyoung sat quietly by the bar, ordering some beer, when someone sat beside him.

“I’m Mark Tuan, you are?”

“Underground rapper Mark Tuan, Jackson’s friend from Taiwan. I know he’d find someone to keep me company. Brothers really think the same.” Jinyoung extends his hand.

Mark shakes it. He smiles adoringly, “I believe he mentioned you are smart and kind and yeah, you are his brother’s, sadly.”

“What was that?” Jinyoung didn’t quite hear the last part.

“Nothing. I said, how about we try to forget our problems and start a contest. Who drinks more beer will win a prize? What do you say?”

Since Jinyoung wanted to take his mind of his problems, he agreed to play. “Alright. If I win, you will try to work with me and Jaebum hyung. A song or two will do. If you win—

“If I win, you’ll ask Jackson to invite me as one of his guests in that music program of his.”

“Agreed.”

And this is where the mess begins. Jinyoung gets drunk on his sixth bottle and the naughty Mark Tuan just wanted to take the opportunity to have a good time. Besides, what will he lose. He’s only known Jackson for a few months through another friend and he doesn’t even know that Jaebum guy.

Having sex with this beautiful creature might not be a bad idea. It’s also a given that the VIP club they are in even has exclusive rooms for that. And he’s even decided to give Jinyoung a little bit of drugs to make it even more exciting.

Jinyoung was too drunk and drugged to realize that he’s already being stripped off of his clothes in a room. He’s too intoxicated to even react when Mark starts doing things unfamiliar to him. It’s a different sensation and its his first time too. Jinyoung gives in unknowingly and at the back of his subconscious mind, he knows he might regret some things after today.

Jinyoung has not seen Mark ever since that day and Jackson tells him Mark flew back to Taiwan for some business. Six weeks later…

JB appears on Jackson’s new show “Ear Candy”, where composers duel for the revival of old songs. It was a crucial battle for JB since his last minute competitor appears to be his greatest rival, Ravi.

Jinyoung was there for moral support.

The show ends with JB losing a point from the audience votes. JB hated losing, he was keeping his temper in check until the camera director shouts ‘cut.’

As JB enters the waiting room to release fury, he was surprised by the vomiting sounds someone was producing in the bathroom. When he sees it was Jinyoung, all his anger flew away in an instant, replaced by concern and worry for his boyfriend.

“Jinyoung ah,” JB caresses his boyfriend’s back. “Are you okay?”

“Oh hyung, I’m sorry.” Jinyoung wipes his mouth with tissue paper. “I’m sorry, did you win?”

JB looks away not wanting to disappoint Jinyoung who clearly has been spending his time in the bathroom feeling ill. “I lost, but it doesn’t matter.”

“I’m sorry.” Jinyoung holds his boyfriend’s hand, squeezing it a little.

“Let’s get you to the doctor?” JB offers.

“No, it’s okay, hyung. I probably just ate something bad this morning.”

“But we ate the same breakfast.” JB argues.

“Then ah, maybe its the fruit shake I just drank.” Jinyoung lies. He doesn’t want JB to fuss about his stomach bug when he still has a lot of work to do.

Back in the office, JB checks on Jinyoung from time to time, to make sure he is alright.

“You okay?” JB hands him a chicken sandwich for their break. “I thought you needed rest so I asked our assistants to order delivery instead of us going out.”

Jinyoung is indeed grateful for the yummy looking treat but once his nose caught the scent of eggs and mayo, he finds himself up and running to the bathroom.

“Jinyoung, please let’s get you to the doctor. This is serious.”

Jinyoung is now lying down on the sofa, his head on JB’s lap. His stomach is completely empty now and he is drained but he still remembers to comfort his boyfriend. “Ravi probably paid the audience to give him their votes. I don’t believe you lost to him.” Jinyoung says quietly.

“Thanks for saying that.” JB smiles, “But please stop changing the subject. We are going to the doctor later, okay?”

Before JB could get an answer, he hears Jinyoung’s soft snores.

Jinyoung felt a lot better after sleeping. He has convinced JB not to ‘waste’ any time going to the doctor. Being the dutiful boyfriend that he is, JB takes good care of Jinyoung, giving him a proper dinner and even sleeping on the floor in Jinyoung’s room to keep him company just in case something bad happens.

Jinyoung wakes up to the sight of his boyfriend’s face inches from his. He chuckles. “When did you get up here?” He moves a few strands of hair from JB’s face and kissed the tip of his nose. “You are so full of surprises. Didn’t we promise not to sleep with each othe—

And it dawned onto him, Mark. He believes he slept with Mark that day, six weeks ago. He’s also been taking pills for fertility for half a year now. And now he has been feeling sick, sleepy and tired for the whole week. Could it be that he is pregnant with Mark’s child?

JB opens his eyes to see why Jinyoung stopped talking only to see him very pale as he laid still beside him. His eyes reflected fear and dismay. “You okay?”

Jinyoung’s eyes slowly focused on JB, looking at his beautiful features, from his eyebrows, chinky eyes, sharp nose, and his sinful lips.

“Babe, are you okay? W—why are you looking at me like that? H—hey! Are you crying?! What’s wrong?!”

Jinyoung feared this is the last time he can be with his loveable boyfriend. He can’t help but cry. His hormones are probably not helping him now. He starts sobbing.

“Sssshhh it’s okay. It’s okay.” JB embraces him. “It’ll be fine, whatever it is. I’m right here. I got you.”

Jinyoung cries onto JB’s chest, his heart clenched with guilt. “I—I’m so sorry. Hyung, I’m sorry. Oh my God. I’m so sorry.”

“Jackson, there is something wrong with Jinyoung this morning. Please check on him.” JB gives his trusty baby brother an errand as he gets ready for his next client, a very demanding artist by the name of Jessi.

“Then why did you leave him then?!” Jackson’s already getting ready to leave his house hearing his brother’s concern.

“I hate myself enough already. This is bullshit! You are right, I shouldn’t have left him at home, he’s not answering my calls too. I’m so worried. Please—

“I’m already on my way. I’ll call you when I get there.” JB can hear Jackson turning on the engine of his Harley Davidson.

When Jackson reaches JB and Jinyoung’s home, it was worst than he expected. Jinyoung has left, taking a few of his belongings with him, he estimates he packed for more than an overnight trip.

Scanning Jinyoung’s room, he also found out that Jinyoung brought with him the picture frame that was sitting on his night table, it was a picture of him and JB from last year’s trip to Japan. In place of the frame was a letter folded neatly.

My Jaebum Hyung,

I wish I could explain to you better why I’m leaving. Just trust in me that this is for the best.

Know that I have made an terrible mistake and, I am afraid that this will hurt you deeply, enough for you to resent me. And I can’t watch that happen.

I do not deserve you, at least now I am sure of it. I have watched you become the man that you are and, I believe you can do greater things without me around. I’m just sad that I’ll be missing out on a lot of them.

I love you. I will always do. I do not hope for you to forgive me for leaving but I wish you to forgive yourself. You have done nothing but love me right. You are the best thing that’s happened to me. I hope you know that.

I also am aware that I’ll regret this decision on top of all the things I’ve already messed up with, but hyung, I believe singer Youngjae likes you. He’s a nice kid. Please at least try to be happy.

I’ll be alright. I’ll take care of myself. Don’t worry about me.

P.S. Please tell Jackson I’m sorry in advance ‘cause I know you’ll make him your punching bag.

Jinyoung

Jackson was scared that JB would be out of control with the news. And he was right.

JB had panic attacks for the first five days he learned of Jinyoung leaving. This time it wasn’t because of anger. It was grief. JB was finally admitted to the hospital after he collapsed.

“I don’t understand Jackson. Why? Why will he do this? If he made a mistake, I would have forgiven him.” JB’s voice is as thin as ice.

“Don’t worry hyung. We’ll find him. I promise.” Jackson squeezes his brother’s hand.

“I can’t take this. I—I don’t know if he’s alright or if he’s even eating. You remember the last time we broke up because of this girl from school, I—I don’t even remember her name—

“Clara with the big boobs.”

“It doesn’t matter who she was. But Jackson, I— I only learned that Jinyoung—went home to Busan after a week of searching for him. When I saw him, he was two sizes thinner. He cried his eyes out every night. Barely ate or slept.”

“You were no different. Pretended to be okay but you looked awful as well.”

“That’s not the point. That time I almost lost him and now, I—don’t know what I’ll do if I—,” JB starts crying, it really has been difficult for him the past 5 days.

“Hey, you need to get a grip. Jinyoung says he’ll take care of himself. L-let’s retrace his steps and perhaps find out the reason why he left in the first place. Start from there. I know we’ll find him.” Jackson says encouragingly.

Four months later, Jinyoung keeps himself busy with more lyrics as he sits in a coffee shop called the Old Town Cafe in Bangkok. A charming young male aka Jinyoung’s favorite cousin serves him warm milk.

“Hyung, just don’t mind BamBam when he asks about your life in Korea. He naturally loves to chitchat.” Yugyeom takes a seat across Jinyoung’s table.

“I don’t mind. Especially when his family is the one who took us in. Your friend’s more than welcome to pry on my past.” He takes a sip of milk but suddenly flinches and nearly spills the drink. He just felt his baby’s kick.

“Are you alright? Is my little nephew being naughty again?” Yugyeom takes the glass from him.

“Yeah, so much like you when you were still in Auntie’s tummy. I remember so clearly how she would complain that you were so restless.” Jinyoung smiles rubbing his swollen stomach.

“Hyung, by the way, Jackson hyung’s been calling me all day. They are still searching for you, you know.”

“I know Jackson spoiled you a lot back when we had that trip in Japan but I am still your cousin. Don’t forget that I took care of you for months when Auntie had to leave for Thailand. I changed your diapers three times a day. I fed you good milk when you were wailing nonstop because, you were hungry—-”

“Hyung, hyung stop. Don’t even start with how you saved me from being bullied in primary school, I can memorise it all. Besides, my loyalty always lies with you.” Yugyeom winks at him.

“Glad to hear that.” Jinyoung smiles but it turns into a grimace once he felt his child kick once again.

“Thailand’s biggest star, Lalabelle wants to collaborate with you. Why not take this chance to visit some sceneries, and take your mind off things?”

“Jackson, are you saying that I should forget Jinyoung?” JB says this feeling betrayed.

“On the contrary, big brother.” Jackson gives him the biggest smile. “Actually, I heard Yugyeom’s there.”

“Jinyoung’s kid cousin?” JB felt his heart tighten at this news. “Y—you believe he can tell us where Jinyoung is?”

“No, hyung. I believe Jinyoung’s with him.”

“Are you sure of this?” JB’s can hear his own heart racing.

“That kid, he adores me and when I asked him if he knew where Jinyoung is, I know he was so torn between telling truth and making up a beautiful lie that his cousin’s probably in India with the elephants.”

“Elephants are in Thailand.”

“Exactly.”

“Bam, I can’t leave Jinyoung hyung. He’s already on his 7th month. He can give birth anytime. And if you haven’t noticed, he’s really feeling uncomfortable these days. I can’t go—

“But you promised you’d help me with Sheila, and she doesn’t wanna go if it’s not a group date. She’s bringing some friends too. And you are my only friend. You know that.” BamBam gives him a cute pout.

“You should go, baby cousin. I’d regret it if you miss getting a girlfriend because of me. Bam tells me you are smitten by that lovely girl Abby. Besides, you guys have taken care of me for 5 months now. Go and have fun, the islands are far more beautiful sight to see than your plump cousin anyway.” Jinyoung intervenes.

“Are you sure you are gonna be alright alone?” Yugyeom asks shyly.

“Of course, say hello to Abby and Sheila for me then.”

Alone in his usual spot at the Old Town Cafe, Jinyoung experiences a writer’s block. He packs his belongings and takes off to get some sort of inspiration or at least that was his excuse. He always wanted to buy some tropical fruits from the market and perhaps find this chance to pig out without the kids judging him.

He has very high hopes of satisfying his fruit cravings in the crowded wet market. He starts out with some watermelon slices, then some dragon fruit and finally his new favorite, red mangoes. As the vendor hands him his second bag, someone next to him reaches out for the bag at the same time.

“I’m sorry.” The other man cautiously says in English, too embarrassed to look at him.

Jinyoung froze, not because the man was surprisingly not a native but because his voice was hauntingly familiar.

“H—here you can—- Jin—” JB’s eyes was utterly shock to see Jinyoung, all the more with his very healthy belly.

Jinyoung felt his knees unbuckle seeing JB’s reaction. He would have fallen if JB wasn’t quick to hold him in place. Their faces were now only a few inches apart as JB held Jinyoung’s waist.

As JB is now so close to him now, he sees a mix of confusion, joy and sadness in JB’s eyes.

“Hyung, I— I’m sorry. I don’t have an excuse. I—” Jinyoung’s voice was shaking as his tears now threaten to fall.

JB’s heart broke seeing his beloved’s tears. “Please don’t cry.” He captures the other’s lips and makes him remember how much he loves him.

Jinyoung couldn’t believe what’s happening. It was like a dream. For the past 5 months, he always felt like that he couldn’t breathe every single day he’d wake up and realize that JB is no longer there with him. And now…

“I love you. Do you still love me?” JB asks tearing up as well. He hasn’t let Jinyoung go, afraid that he might leave him again.

“Is that all you are going ask me?” Jinyoung so puzzled. He doesn’t see a a trace of anger in JB.

“It’s all that matters to me.” JB says honestly.

“But I’m pregnant with someone else’s child.” Jinyoung whimpers.

“Jackson and I already suspected that. H—he said he saw you seeing the fertility doctor then Mark also guiltily confessed that he took advantage of you while you were drunk. Though I’m still shocked to see you— uhm like this— it’s really—

“I look like a hippo?” Jinyoung chuckles crying.

“I’m not sure really. But you are still beautiful. And I love you so much.”

Jinyoung's smile is bittersweet. “Hyung, forgive me but I— I’m not worthy of you.” He pulls away from JB’s hold. “I’ve hurt you and left you behind.”

“When you say that, do you know how much you are hurting me more?”

Jinyoung is now speechless. He doesn’t have a way to justify what he’s done.

“If only you’ve given me the chance, if only you’ve trusted me more. You would have known that I can never hate you. You would have known that I will willingly accept your baby and love him like he’s mine. Jinyoung, you should have realized that I will love you regardless.”

“I know, I know I’m a coward.” Jinyoung looks down regretting everything he’s done.

“And a heartbreaker. You are also the reason I nearly died of anxiety.”

Jinyoung freezes hearing JB’s angry tone.

Then JB suddenly holds his lover’s chin up. With loving eyes he says to him, “And I still love you regardless.”


End file.
